the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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