xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
