I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
