I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
