Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
