What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
