friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
