I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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