**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
