fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
