At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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