Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
