I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
