Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
