you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
