she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
