when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
