How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
