did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
