I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
