just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
