just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
