Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
