he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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