Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
