That's intense
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
