She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
