Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
