sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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