I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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