from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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