He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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