I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize