Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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