She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
