Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
