How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
