So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
