the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
