i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
