Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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