Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
