i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize