dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
