guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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