mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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