I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
