yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
