I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
