I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
