I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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