he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
