My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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