I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
