the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
