I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
