Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
