i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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