I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize