She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
