I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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