i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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