Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
