I wanna bring you to show and tell
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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