Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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