what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
