I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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