We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
