I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
