there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
