didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
