Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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