Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it because I queefed?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
