My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize